This Portfolio Is a Relic Of What I Once Was

This is my blog. The rest of this website is my e-portfolio. I made it several years ago. You can browse around and see my various, mostly professional, accomplishments.

At this point in my life, the portfolio part seems to be a relic of what I once was.

Around 2008, I had my first psychotic break. It just hasn’t been the same since then. I was on the path to become an academic–aiming for a PhD in Philosophy, with the goal of becoming a professor. I had to leave school, which I loved, and go through the years-long process of recovery. I don’t know that full recovery from my diagnosis of schizophrenia is possible for me.

I have a long-time counselor who suggests I simply modify my expectations in life; to live life as a disabled person. I resisted that for a long time, but now I think, after various trials and tribulations, that this is wise advice.

I plan to still maintain this blog and keep this website for a while. It goes to show that someone with promise–someone very career-oriented, who excelled in school and work–can become disabled and have their dreams dashed.

People with disabilities are often looked down upon. People don’t often take kindly towards them, especially if one has a disability like mine, which is heavily stigmatized. However, writing is one thing I can do (when I have the energy) and it’s something I love. So, I aim to continue doing that here if and when I can.

The past year has had its ups and downs. I started an online magazine which did pretty well but that I can’t keep up anymore. I tried to start an organization, but I simply cannot do the work necessary to follow through. It’s not my choice to be disabled. I simply am. All the evidence here will show I tried my darndest to be anything but disabled. My family can attest to my disability and the evidence–as well as my family and friends–can testify to my constant desire to try to keep plodding through.

This isn’t a pity party. This is how I feel right now.

For now, I leave you with this image I found on the internet. I post it partly tongue-in-cheek. But it’s how I will be remembered, having been a pretty good philosopher, an award-winning poet, and a “failure” nevertheless.

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