What Kind Of Jerk Was I?

I’ve been reflecting on evil a lot these days. I’ve mentioned that I’ve met some evil people. I don’t want to come off as too high and mighty, though. I have my flaws.

In fact, it’s only been through personal growth and development that I’ve been able to have insights about others.

I’ve written about The Great Chain of Being, which was in the recesses of my mind, unfortunately. Today, while at counseling, I confessed to my counselor something truly horrible. Horrible, but probably not uncommon. I told her that it’s only been recently that I’ve started treating people as if they have equal value.

We all know and say that everyone is equal–and a lot of us mean it! But I’m talking about our actions, here. I’m talking about how we live.

Tell the truth: Do act as if the CEO has more value than the burger flipper? Really, do you live your life that way? Do you act as if–and truly feel–that you are not worthy compared to the person of higher status–say, your thesis advisor or Brian Leiter?

I did. And I did this even though it’s in direct conflict with what I know to be, not only true, but what I fight for and espouse.

There’s a feeling I have these days. I want to sit cross legged on the ground with the burger flipper and Brian Leiter. This way, as the Native Americans must have known, makes everyone feel humble and equal. It does me, anyway.

My counselor told me not to beat myself up and give myself negative talk. So I’m not. As she advised, I’m moving forward with this new way of living because this change is not only good, but probably happened in me for a reason.

But, boy, what kind of jerk was I?