Schizophrenia and Self-Love

Tonight, I was talking with a friend of mine. We are very different, but I’m at ease with that.

There was a point at which time this friend wanted me to be more like them.

I couldn’t do it. And when I tried, I ended up doing stupid things.

But tonight, when our differences came up, I simply concluded, “To each their own.”

I’ve been feeling a sense of peace recently. Peace with who I am. It’s not tied to my achievements, status, wealth–or anything external. It’s a peace with myself for who I am.

You wouldn’t necessarily think a person who has experienced what I have experienced would love themselves. After all, I’m poor, didn’t finish my MA degree, have schizophrenia, and am lacking in a bunch of areas most American adults think are required (for example, I don’t own a car right now).

This feeling of peace is a long time coming.

I’ve had a hard road. It has been incredibly tough. Yet, I sit here at peace with myself.

I think back, a couple of years ago, when my counselor wanted me to have self-love and joy, which she differentiated from mere and fleeting happiness.

I have finally come to those places in my life.

It’s an awesome feeling of calm to actually, finally, love yourself. And, to me, at least, it makes the fleeting things of the world–the things most people spend so much time and energy chasing–fall away.

If you have schizophrenia, some other mental illness, or are perfectly healthy, I wish self-love for you. I honestly think the world would be a much better place.

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